Here’s the trick: you must become boring. Do not wave your arms. Do not shout, “Hello, majestic beast!” They interpret excitement as a prelude to attack. Walk slowly, breathe quietly, and for heaven’s sake, put the phone down. You’ll see more deer when you pretend you’re not even looking for them. It’s like dating—desperation is a terrible cologne.
And here’s a surprising fact that will blow your mind: the deer don’t just hang out; they have job titles. The big stags are essentially overpaid security guards. They stand on hilltops, bellowing at the horizon, while the female deer—the hinds and does—do all the actual work of finding good grass. During the rutting season (September to October), the stags lose their minds, chase each other, and roar like they’re starring in a low-budget dinosaur movie. It’s dramatic, loud, and absolutely free.
When All Else Fails, Look For The Fluff
Another surprising fact: fallow deer have spots, but only in summer. In winter, they turn a solid, boring brown. So if you’re squinting at a brown lump and thinking, “Is that a rock, a log, or a deer?”—it’s probably a deer. Rocks don’t twitch their ears. Logs don’t flick flies away with their tail. Unless you’re in a Disney cartoon, in which case, congratulations.
How to get to Richmond Park - easy instructions so you don't get lost
And please, do not feed them. People try. They see a deer and think, “Oh, you look hungry, let me give you my sandwich!” This is a terrible idea. A deer’s digestive system is finely tuned for grass and leaves. A ham and cheese croissant will give it the equivalent of explosive diarrhoea. And also, you’ll teach it to approach humans for junk food, turning it into a four-legged, antlered nuisance that will one day headbutt a toddler for a bag of Hula Hoops.
