Once you know the time, the real madness begins. You’ll plan your whole day around that 90 minutes—plus an extra 15 minutes for stoppage time and the inevitable VAR review that takes a full glacial epoch.
You’ll buy snacks. You’ll clear your calendar. You’ll tell your partner you’re “just watching a bit of sport,” which is code for “I’m shouting at the telly and clutching a can of Irn-Bru.”
And then—the kick-off. At last. The ball rolls. And you realize: you’re still not sure if it’s the right time. Because David from down the street just texted: “Game moved to 5 PM?!”
No, David. No it’s not. Stop panicking.
A Final, Ridiculous Truth
Scotland games have started at 11:00 AM on a Sunday. That’s the “post-church, pre-hangover” slot. I once watched Scotland vs. Lithuania while still in my pyjamas, eating cereal. It was surreal.
Also, there’s a legend among fans that if you ask “what time is the game?” three times in a row without blinking, a bagpiper appears and hands you a printed schedule. I haven’t confirmed this, but I believe it with my whole heart.
So, next time you’re staring at your phone, just take a breath. Type the query. And remember: the real question isn’t “what time does it start?”—it’s “will I make it to kickoff before the chip shop closes?” Good luck, you beautiful, confused soul.
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