First, you’ll cry a little. Then, you’ll face a choice: pay for a locker (starting at $8, which buys you four hours of mild anxiety), or walk back to your car and miss the first scare zone. Most people choose the locker, which is why there’s a line of sad humans clutching their oversized purses like they’re at a funeral for their belongings. Pro tip: Wear pants with deep pockets. Honestly, a good pair of cargo shorts is the real MVP of Halloween Horror Nights. You can fit a phone, a wallet, and half a granola bar in those bad boys, no bag needed.
And if you’re feeling fancy, get a crossbody bag that’s exactly 4.5” x 6.5”. They make them! They’re tiny, cute, and will make you feel like a spy from a goofy action movie. Plus, you can keep your hands free to scream and wave at monsters. Double win.
The Golden Rule
Here it is, the one sentence that will save your Halloween: If in doubt, leave it out. That’s it. Don’t bring your laptop bag. Don’t bring a purse that could double as a suitcase. Don’t bring a fanny pack that requires a separate zip code. The park has lockers, yes, but they’re small, expensive, and smell faintly of regret and nacho cheese. Is that really how you want to spend your night—arguing with a lock number?
In the end, the bag policy is just one more obstacle between you and a good scare. But it’s a manageable one, like the line for a bathroom or the guy who spoils the ending to the maze. So plan ahead, pack light, and remember: the only thing scarier than a clown with a chainsaw is realizing you have to walk back to the parking lot to drop off your purse. Now go forth, be terrified, and may your pockets be deep enough for all your dignity.
