Start with the basics that everyone assumes but nobody verifies. Ask them: “If you had to choose between saving me or your phone from a rushing river, what happens?” The answer reveals their true priorities. If they hesitate longer than a single breath, you may need to reevaluate your trust fund—or at least your emergency contact list.
Then hit them with: “On a scale of ‘I’d lie for you’ to ‘I’d take a bullet for you,’ where do we fall?” Most people will say, “Bullet, obviously!” but watch their eyes. A genuine best friend will immediately say, “Bullet, but only if it’s a Nerf bullet.” That’s the gold standard of loyalty: humor with heart.
The “What If” Apocalypse Scenarios
This is where things get weirdly revealing. Pose this: “If society collapses tomorrow and we have to survive in a Costco, what job do I get?” If they say “Window watcher” or “snack bar manager,” you’ve got a friend who sees your strengths. If they say “human sacrifice to appease the canned-good gods,” you might need a new survival partner.
Surprising fact: Studies show that best friends who can joke about hypothetical disasters have stronger bonds. They’re stress-testing your loyalty without the actual zombie apocalypse. Play along, or they’ll think you’re boring. And nobody wants to be the boring one in the Costco shelter.
