To survive Marks & Spencer Eclipse Park, follow these rules: Weekdays 8 AM–8 PM. Sundays 10:30 AM–4 PM (and don’t argue). Avoid the final 10 minutes unless you enjoy being stared down by a floor manager named Nigel. And for the love of all things stilton, never ask for a cooked chicken at 7:55 PM. They’ve already been packed away, like little beige treasures for the night shift.
Now go forth. Conquer that aisle of gin. Buy some inexplicably good “M&S iced biscuits” shaped like penguins. And remember: if you miss the closing time, just laugh. You can always buy a sad sandwich at the petrol station. But you’ll never forget the tragedy of 3:59 PM on a Sunday. Never.
