Stop printing by convincing yourself that digital files are immortal. Sure, your hard drive might die, but so will you—so does it matter? Instead of hitting Ctrl+P, hit Ctrl+D to bookmark it. Then never look at it again. That’s success. For important things, use cloud storage apps like Google Drive or Dropbox. They even have folders that rhyme with “Paper” but don’t require a visit to Best Buy. And for signing documents? Use a finger or a mouse. Your signature will look like a spider on espresso, but it’s legally binding. Probably.
I once met a man who printed his boarding pass at home, then took a photo of it with his phone. He was carrying both a tree corpse and a digital ghost. Don’t be that man. Be the person who says, “I’ll pull it up on my phone,” while the queue behind you sighs. You are now a hero of the forest.
When You Must Print (And You Will)
Sometimes the universe demands a hard copy—like for a legal form, a boarding pass to a country with dial-up internet, or a birthday card for your aunt who thinks email is a “fad.” Fine. But print with vengeance. Use the “Multiple Pages Per Sheet” setting to shrink four slides onto one page. Nobody will read them, but your printer will feel shame. And always share a printer. A shared printer is everyone’s problem, which means nobody replaces the ink, and eventually it just spits out blank pages. That’s not printing—that’s art.
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Another wild fact: every year, the world prints roughly 3 trillion pages—enough to cover the entire state of Delaware every two months. If we stacked it, we’d have a paper ladder to the moon. And we already did that once, except it was made of lies and tax forms. So ask yourself: “Do I really need this, or do I just like the sound of the roller?”
