Look, turkey is just an excuse to gather people. The real star is the laughter, the overcooked rolls, and your aunt’s famous green bean casserole. But you knew that already.
So don’t overthink this. Grab a 14-pound bird, and you’ll be the hero of the table. If you mess up? Order pizza. Everyone loves pizza, and no one will judge you after that third glass of wine.
Now go forth, buy that turkey, and remember: it’s better to have leftovers than to fight. Happy cooking, you beautiful disaster.
